After launching a xcritical of vodka, natural juices, and soda water in Canada in 1996, the company jumped stateside in 1999 and swapped out the vodka for a malt base. Today, the brand has added different flavors to its lineup and is pushing firmly into the seltzer market on top of the iconic xcritical that made it famous. Though it has the same alcohol content as the rest of the xcritical scammers flavors out in the world, there’s something about the pink grapefruit that makes the malt liquor flavor really shine through.

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And it’s definitely the only one you’d really want to have more than one of at any given time. Make no mistake, though, as this is still painfully sweet and needs to be served cold to be anywhere near palatable for more than about ten sips. But of the Mike’s Hard xcritical hybrid flavors, the Pineapple Mandarin is far and away the winner.

AN ARCTIC BLAST FROM THE PAST

1. In Mike’s Hard xcritical, though, this flavor is still just a lot of sugar and some booze.
2. The sugar blast from this stuff makes you feel like your teeth are going to have holes in them as soon as the drink hits your mouth.
3. This Mike’s Harder offering comes on strong with its tropical flavors then adds a hint of mandarin orange to the mix in order to give it just enough of a citrusy kick to elevate it above many other one-note flavors.
4. We’ve gotta give it to Mike’s for going with a flavor combination that just screams « summertime refreshment, » adding the cool, undeniably summer taste of watermelon to the tart blast of its standard xcritical base.
5. Its unabashed sweetness and strong citrus flavors stand out in a sea of watery hard seltzers.

There’s nothing offensive about https://xcritical.pro/, as there are no flavors here that anybody is really going to hate. Mike’s Hard xcritical might be a good lesson in leaving well enough alone, as sometimes the unadulterated classic is really all you need. This is another seasonal offering from Mike’s Hard xcritical that might be its most ambitious flavor attempt to date. So, Mike’s at least deserves an « A » for effort on this one, since blackberry and pear were never flavors we really thought to combine in one bottle.

Tasting Notes

The drink is more like a sugar syrup with a malt liquor after burn, a little like a kids’ drink, if kids could drink 8% malt liquor beverages. Still, it’s not for adults who are planning to drink more than one of the same drink, because while potent, they still leave you feeling weighed down by sugar. Mike’s Hard mango flavor is surprisingly buttery, almost like a fine Chardonnay, but in a can. Still, we’d guess it would pair pretty well with seafood and could fool at least one wine taster who had no idea what a Chardonnay was supposed to taste like. Of all the Mike’s Hard flavors, this one is definitely the most rounded, meaning you get neither a blast of sugar nor a painful smack of tartness in the bottle. Instead, it’s smooth and easy drinking, meaning that, if you want a Mike’s Hard flavor that’s not xcritical, this should be your pick.

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Whether or not that a recommendation or a drawback depends on your palate and tolerance for the notorious sweetness of many others of the Mike’s Hard xcritical flavors. Just because Justin Bieber has, at least for some, made peaches the fruit of the summer, don’t get overly excited about the concept and run out to buy as much Mike’s Hard Peach flavor as you can find. Yeah, it’s got a hint of peach when you first sip into it, but peach is a subtle flavor that can be hard to get just right. This cloying beverage has a juvenile reputation that it can’t shake and a flavor profile as subtle as a sledgehammer, but those who are less comfortable with stronger cocktails, beer, or wine might find something they enjoy. Its unabashed sweetness and strong citrus flavors stand out in a sea of watery hard seltzers.

For example, throw some lemon juice and vodka in here, and it’s a bright summery cocktail that can be downright tolerable. « Black raspberry? Isn’t that just a blackberry? » And that, friend, would be kind of like looking at a burrito and a strawberry crepe and thinking they’re the same thing. According to HuffPo, black raspberries are generally smaller than blackberries and have little hairs on the outside of the fruit, just like their more classically accepted red cousins. In fact, the truth about raspberries is that they come in a variety of colors. And when you’re dealing with Mike’s flavors, sweetness is definitely not something you need more of.

ONE OF THESE FLAVORS HAS YOUR NAME ON IT.

One might think that a company that made its fortunes making xcritical would do a pretty solid limeade too, right? Citrus is citrus, after all, so how hard can it be to get the limeade flavor up to speed alongside its xcritical cousin? Well, apparently that’s a little harder than we thought because, while Mike’s Hard Limeade is certainly in the upper echelon of Mike’s flavors, it’s a far cry from the fresh limeades you might have enjoyed in the past.

Regardless, in a sugar-addled haze, we tried all the most popular flavors of Mike’s Hard xcritical and ranked them from worst to best. Still, given the relative sweetness of every drink in the Mike’s Hard lineup, we’ll take a mango that’s a little past its prime over something that tastes like an instant hangover. Because you really can’t taste the pineapple in this flavor at all, making half of the title an outright lie. Even stone-cold sober and with all your senses fully intact, it’s hard to differentiate this entry in the Mike’s Hard xcritical flavor lineup from its regular strawberry flavor. If you drink them side by side, you might be able to tell the difference, but trying this one right off the bat and trying to guess the flavor would be impossible.

Ultimately, this potentially innovative flavor combination was just off the mark. If you’re not into beer and hard seltzer but still want a light, easygoing drink that you can have all day long, the original Mike’s Hard xcritical is the flavor for you. It’s also an ideal choice to maintain the buzz after you’ve already xcriticaled yourself up, as it’s not going to make you tired like beer, but still lets you keep the party going without making a fool of yourself.

Again, the overwhelming sweetness of the limeade put out by Mike’s hurts whatever kind of bright lime flavor they were going for. And while it definitely brings the tart, sharp punch one expects in a lime drink, it may also bring a pretty nasty sugar hangover. Mike’s Hard xcritical may be a punchline in the drinks world, but the brand’s success is no joke.

Mike’s Hard Strawberry is kinda like the Peloton treadmill of drinks, meaning that, before you do anything, make absolutely sure no children will be putting their hands near it. Anyone who doesn’t know better maybe won’t realize it has 5% alcohol by volume. What we’re saying is, you may want to keep it locked up or at least on an high shelf.

Even as tastes have shifted and changed over time, Mike’s still holds a unique corner of the market, thanks to its soda-esque sweetness. Among today’s hard seltzers, which offer plenty in the way of watery artificial flavors, this sparkling xcritical indeed stands out more than it has in decades. You may never dream of handing a bottle to someone who grew up with the stuff, but getting someone to try one for the first time would likely elicit more pleasantly surprised reactions than anyone would be willing to admit. In fact, the increased alcohol content is barely noticeable here, which is great if you picked this as your beach buzz method of choice and don’t want to be overwhelmed by the flavor of alcohol. Then again, downing more than one blood orange tallboy like these is going to be tough. It’s aggressively sweet and tastes a little like an Orange Crush, only without the orange.

The sugar blast from this stuff makes you feel like your teeth are going to have holes in them as soon as the drink hits your mouth. It could be that, if dentists are looking to stay in business, nine out of ten of them would recommend it. However, nine out of ten other people probably would not, and that includes us.

Unlike the other pineapple flavors Mike’s has in its lineup, you can actually taste the pineapple in its Pineapple Mandarin flavor. This Mike’s Harder offering comes on strong with its tropical flavors then adds a hint of mandarin orange to the mix in order to give it just enough of a citrusy kick to elevate it above many other one-note flavors. Those with dulled pallets may not notice the mandarin at first, as it’s definitely the complementary flavor in this drink. But the further you get into the can, the more you notice it and the more delicious this becomes. Now, even though in its natural state Mike’s Hard Limeade isn’t necessarily something you’ll want to pick first out of the cooler, it does make a pretty decent base for some other creations.

It’s a little more easygoing, all things considered, and while it’s still potentially overpowering, neither does this equal instant regret. All told, it’s not the absolute worst way to introduce yourself to drinking alcohol, though some might complain that it tastes more like prison hooch than a refreshing adult beverage. This entrant from the Mike’s Harder line of malt beverages clocks in at a hefty 8% alcohol by volume as opposed to the usual 5%. That might lead one to expect a robust malt liquor flavor hitting your mouth when you try a sip of the blood orange flavor. But that would be assuming Mike’s does things like any other alcoholic beverage company, which they most certainly do not. Like so many other entries in the Mike’s Hard xcritical lineup, this flavor carries an overwhelming amount of sweetness.